Confusion.
It seems to be more common than, well, understanding or clarity. Things that don't "make sense" are all around. Why do I think this? Why do I feel that? Why did this happen, instead of that?
I've determined that the majority of life doesn't "make sense." It just isn't what we think should happen.
So what do you do when you lose someone and don't understand why?
How do you protect your heart from hurt when you can't get someone off your mind?
What do you do about the future since it's, well, unpredictable?
I wish I knew. I wish I understood what I was thinking or feeling. Sometimes I just don't have any idea which way is up...or what step leads down. I don't get it.
It's hard to want something SO much, not know if it's right...and decide whether or not you should let it go.
It's hard to get mixed responses from people and try to guess what their real feelings are.
It's hard to see life falling apart without any kind of explanation...and trust God that it'll be ok anyways.
It's hard.
And oh so confusing.
*sigh*
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Taking the high road
All my life people have told me, "Take the high road, Tara. Always take the high road."
And I've tried.
The question is, what is the high road? Conceptually I get it, sure. Do right. Always do what's right, no matter what wrong someone might do to you. Treat people right, act right, pray right, live right...just do right. My mom always reminded me of a little song that says "Do right, do right because it's right to do. Just do right, do right, the Lord will see you through." And I believe that, I do. It's just...I'm not sure I totally know what is "right" in certain situations.
Sometimes I think there is a fine line between taking the high road and backing down to avoid a fight. For instance, if you know something is wrong but saying something might make someone upset...is "taking the high road" not saying anything so as to not make the situation worse? Or is it saying something, even though it might not solve the problem...but it's the "right" thing to say? See where there's a conflict?
Conflict. I hate conflict. Really, if I can avoid it, I will. Generally speaking I will not say something and avoid conflict rather than say something and cause it. So when people tell me to take the high road, I generally do whatever it takes to avoid aggravating the problem. But is that really the high road? What if avoiding the problem allows it to become worse on its own? If I say what everyone else is thinking...because it's the "right" to combat the "wrong," is that the high road or something else? (What would that be, the low road?)
Ever notice how those little magic sayings don't really work in real life? Things that supposedly help you get through tough spots in life.
Things like, pray for your enemies and you won't be bitter towards them.
Or good things come to those who wait.
Or practice makes perfect.
Or take the high road.
Sounds easy enough. But if you really think about it...it's anything but easy. Not because the high road is innately more difficult, but I think it's certainly more difficult to define.
I guess that's life. The concept is simple, but the practice....anything but.
And I've tried.
The question is, what is the high road? Conceptually I get it, sure. Do right. Always do what's right, no matter what wrong someone might do to you. Treat people right, act right, pray right, live right...just do right. My mom always reminded me of a little song that says "Do right, do right because it's right to do. Just do right, do right, the Lord will see you through." And I believe that, I do. It's just...I'm not sure I totally know what is "right" in certain situations.
Sometimes I think there is a fine line between taking the high road and backing down to avoid a fight. For instance, if you know something is wrong but saying something might make someone upset...is "taking the high road" not saying anything so as to not make the situation worse? Or is it saying something, even though it might not solve the problem...but it's the "right" thing to say? See where there's a conflict?
Conflict. I hate conflict. Really, if I can avoid it, I will. Generally speaking I will not say something and avoid conflict rather than say something and cause it. So when people tell me to take the high road, I generally do whatever it takes to avoid aggravating the problem. But is that really the high road? What if avoiding the problem allows it to become worse on its own? If I say what everyone else is thinking...because it's the "right" to combat the "wrong," is that the high road or something else? (What would that be, the low road?)
Ever notice how those little magic sayings don't really work in real life? Things that supposedly help you get through tough spots in life.
Things like, pray for your enemies and you won't be bitter towards them.
Or good things come to those who wait.
Or practice makes perfect.
Or take the high road.
Sounds easy enough. But if you really think about it...it's anything but easy. Not because the high road is innately more difficult, but I think it's certainly more difficult to define.
I guess that's life. The concept is simple, but the practice....anything but.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
People watching
Have you ever just sat at a mall or a restaurant and watched people? No, not in a weird, creepy, stalker way. Just watched. Noticed how people act, react or interact with others? I think I'm a people watcher, because I have. I do.
I also think too much, this I know for sure. I analyze every situation far above and beyond what is necessary. I think about them, about me, about what I think of them, about what impression I'm leaving for them to think of me...Yeah, I officially think too much.
I wonder if other people think about well, stuff as much as I do. I can't be the only thinker, right? I know I'm not. It just seems that way when I'm sitting here, waiting for my lunch, watching people and thinking. Always thinking. And watching.
You know, you can learn a lot from watching and listening. I was unbelievably shy as a child. I pretty much didn't talk. If you didn't know me, you'd probably have thought I was mute. No joke...I didn't speak. But when I got teased about it, my mom told me to say, "I learn more from listening than from talking." I never forgot that. It's incredibly true.
Anyway, back to people watching. It's fascinating, really. If you're really paying attention you can see so much. People who look sad...what is going wrong in their life? People who act out...why are they angry? People who seem to be loving life...what makes them tick? What are they thinking about me? Or about the guy at the register? What is he thinking about it all?
There I go with the thinking thing again. It's interesting, though. Plus, thinking is seriously underrated in today's world. I like to take advantage of it when I can.
So, here's the thought for today - think about people. Don't just watch, think about them. Everyone has a story, and no matter how big or how small they think it is, it matters. It shapes them. So as I watch, I'll put my thinking to good use and think about how I can make their day a little brighter. Think about them. Not me. Them.
I also think too much, this I know for sure. I analyze every situation far above and beyond what is necessary. I think about them, about me, about what I think of them, about what impression I'm leaving for them to think of me...Yeah, I officially think too much.
I wonder if other people think about well, stuff as much as I do. I can't be the only thinker, right? I know I'm not. It just seems that way when I'm sitting here, waiting for my lunch, watching people and thinking. Always thinking. And watching.
You know, you can learn a lot from watching and listening. I was unbelievably shy as a child. I pretty much didn't talk. If you didn't know me, you'd probably have thought I was mute. No joke...I didn't speak. But when I got teased about it, my mom told me to say, "I learn more from listening than from talking." I never forgot that. It's incredibly true.
Anyway, back to people watching. It's fascinating, really. If you're really paying attention you can see so much. People who look sad...what is going wrong in their life? People who act out...why are they angry? People who seem to be loving life...what makes them tick? What are they thinking about me? Or about the guy at the register? What is he thinking about it all?
There I go with the thinking thing again. It's interesting, though. Plus, thinking is seriously underrated in today's world. I like to take advantage of it when I can.
So, here's the thought for today - think about people. Don't just watch, think about them. Everyone has a story, and no matter how big or how small they think it is, it matters. It shapes them. So as I watch, I'll put my thinking to good use and think about how I can make their day a little brighter. Think about them. Not me. Them.
Monday, March 2, 2009
It finally happened
Yep. I'm a blogger. It happened. I've been fighting with myself about starting a blog for some time now.
"Just do it," I'd tell myself.
"You'll never actually keep up with it," the response would be.
(So I talk to myself...who doesn't? Just admit it...you know you do it too!)
Anyway, I'm here...we'll see how this goes. Now, the question is, will anyone actually read this? Does anyone actually care about my thoughts, curiosities, memories...ramblings? We shall see! Regardless, it might be kind of fun. At least I'll amuse myself when I'm procrastinating...like now. I should be playing the part of the good little student and actually studying for midterms. But alas, I'm yet again distracted by something more enjoyable. This time a blog, next time facebook...this world has a never ending supply of distractions! Honestly, how's a girl supposed to study? (shhh...I don't want to hear about discipline or diligence...let me at least feel justified in my procrastination for a little while!)
*sigh*
I'm starting to think this blog idea wasn't so great. Like I really needed another distraction. But I'm here. ...so, here goes nothing!
"Just do it," I'd tell myself.
"You'll never actually keep up with it," the response would be.
(So I talk to myself...who doesn't? Just admit it...you know you do it too!)
Anyway, I'm here...we'll see how this goes. Now, the question is, will anyone actually read this? Does anyone actually care about my thoughts, curiosities, memories...ramblings? We shall see! Regardless, it might be kind of fun. At least I'll amuse myself when I'm procrastinating...like now. I should be playing the part of the good little student and actually studying for midterms. But alas, I'm yet again distracted by something more enjoyable. This time a blog, next time facebook...this world has a never ending supply of distractions! Honestly, how's a girl supposed to study? (shhh...I don't want to hear about discipline or diligence...let me at least feel justified in my procrastination for a little while!)
*sigh*
I'm starting to think this blog idea wasn't so great. Like I really needed another distraction. But I'm here. ...so, here goes nothing!
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