When did good become bad?

So, I've always been the "good girl." ...and people, let me tell ya it was never meant in a nice way. Ha. I grew up concerned about doing things right, getting good grades, obeying my parents, blah blah blah. The good girl. Little miss perfect. "Too good" for "regular" people.

I've been thinking about this a lot the last few days. Dwelling on it, really. Here's my beef...

....seriously? First of all, no one is THAT good or THAT perfect. Everyone has their faults, their failures, their regrets. We all have things we're not proud of or habits we should get rid of. So the whole idea of being "too perfect" is ridiculous anyways.

That said, what's so bad about being the good girl (or for you guys out there, the good guy)? I mean really, when did being good become bad?

You know the saying, "Nice guys always finish last." Why is that? What is it about a guy or a girl who works hard in life, has a good job, a house, a family, friends...even "perfect" looks...that is such a bad thing?

I've been told by guys - even guys who claim to be interested in me - that I'm "too good" for them. I don't get that. What does that even mean? Should I try to be bad-er (yes, I said it that way intentionally) in order to have more friends or a great boyfriend? Shouldn't the people you love make you BETTER not WORSE?

I lived a lot of years trying to shed that good girl image. Then I discovered something about myself - it wasn't an image. It was me. I'm just that way. And no one - NO ONE - should have to change who they are in order to be good enough (or, I guess bad enough) for anyone else.

So I got to the point where I used it as a filter - if someone gave me a hard time about being the good girl or a guy gave me the "You're too perfect...you're just too good for me" line, I knew they weren't really worth stressing over. Ya know?

For me, if a relationship is going to be right - whether it's a dating relationship or just a friendship - no one will fault you for being "good." As soon as you being good turns bad, drop 'em like a bad habit (and you and I both know how to do that!). Trust me, your life will be better off that way.

I recently saw a situation with a guy that was falling hard for a girl...and she pushed him away because he was "too perfect." If you're that guy (or girl) here' s my advice - don't EVER let ANYONE tell you you're too perfect. Just be you. And if you're really that genuinely nice guy (...or girl) don't get discouraged when someone tries to fault you for that. Just recognize that they're not "the one" and move one. Because I promise, THE one will not just think you're perfect, they'll know you are!! :)

So go on, be your wonderful, kind, sweet, gracious, passionate, successful, good looking, perfect self and don't ever let anyone convince you that good is bad.

Nice guys might finish last, but they usually finish with the most rewarding happily ever after you'll ever find.

I'm that girl with a list...

Sometimes what you want isn't what you need.

Sometimes what you need isn't what you want.

And sometimes, what you think you want isn't what you really want because you want what you need and what you want at the moment isn't what you need for the rest of your life.

....anyone who can make sense of that must be going through the same thing I'm going through. If you're not, don't worry about understanding it. Ha.

I'm that girl who's always had a list outlining what I want in a guy. Let me stop here and say, I'm SUPER picky and I'm totally aware of that. I want a lot in a guy and my chances of finding a guy who fits every last little thing is practically a million to one. But hey, it could happen.

Anyway, I've been dealing with that whole "list" idea lately and how I compare guys to it. I know my standards are high, so I've been trying to separate what HAS to be there and what would be nice.

The tall, dark and hansom kind of things are fast moving to the "it would be nice" list because seriously, there's no way to know what THE guy will look like or how tall he'll be or how much that really matters.

But what IS important is character traits and goals and motivations - the things that make you, well, you.

I'm a bit old fashioned when it comes to he dating idea in that I think the guy should step up and take the lead in showing his interest. The idea of him coming to me is important because I'm not the type to throw myself at a guy...and I don't think that's a bad thing.

Still, when a guy is totally attractive and compatible with me in a lot of ways, it's hard to remember the MUSTS on the list. Therein lies the problem...since I can easily get caught up in the emotion and the chemistry and ignore the reality of who he is and where he sees himself going in the future.

For that reason, I'm a firm believer in the "friends first" idea, and now more than ever I am positive that I want to marry my best friend. The foundation a solid, lasting friendship provides is priceless. Besides, that's the hard part. If you can stick by each other as friends through good and bad, the "romance" part of a relationship comes way easier. That's the easy part. Which is why most people get caught up in it, rather than in actually getting to know the person before making the emotional commitment.

I could go on and on about this because it's clearly been on my mind a lot. But I'm sure if anyone were to read this they'd already be confused enough so I'll end my rant here. I'll be sure to update again if my ideas change again. ha.

Confusion.
It seems to be more common than, well, understanding or clarity. Things that don't "make sense" are all around. Why do I think this? Why do I feel that? Why did this happen, instead of that?
I've determined that the majority of life doesn't "make sense." It just isn't what we think should happen.
So what do you do when you lose someone and don't understand why?
How do you protect your heart from hurt when you can't get someone off your mind?
What do you do about the future since it's, well, unpredictable?
I wish I knew. I wish I understood what I was thinking or feeling. Sometimes I just don't have any idea which way is up...or what step leads down. I don't get it.
It's hard to want something SO much, not know if it's right...and decide whether or not you should let it go.
It's hard to get mixed responses from people and try to guess what their real feelings are.
It's hard to see life falling apart without any kind of explanation...and trust God that it'll be ok anyways.
It's hard.
And oh so confusing.

*sigh*

Taking the high road

All my life people have told me, "Take the high road, Tara. Always take the high road."
And I've tried.
The question is, what is the high road? Conceptually I get it, sure. Do right. Always do what's right, no matter what wrong someone might do to you. Treat people right, act right, pray right, live right...just do right. My mom always reminded me of a little song that says "Do right, do right because it's right to do. Just do right, do right, the Lord will see you through." And I believe that, I do. It's just...I'm not sure I totally know what is "right" in certain situations.
Sometimes I think there is a fine line between taking the high road and backing down to avoid a fight. For instance, if you know something is wrong but saying something might make someone upset...is "taking the high road" not saying anything so as to not make the situation worse? Or is it saying something, even though it might not solve the problem...but it's the "right" thing to say? See where there's a conflict?
Conflict. I hate conflict. Really, if I can avoid it, I will. Generally speaking I will not say something and avoid conflict rather than say something and cause it. So when people tell me to take the high road, I generally do whatever it takes to avoid aggravating the problem. But is that really the high road? What if avoiding the problem allows it to become worse on its own? If I say what everyone else is thinking...because it's the "right" to combat the "wrong," is that the high road or something else? (What would that be, the low road?)
Ever notice how those little magic sayings don't really work in real life? Things that supposedly help you get through tough spots in life.
Things like, pray for your enemies and you won't be bitter towards them.
Or good things come to those who wait.
Or practice makes perfect.
Or take the high road.
Sounds easy enough. But if you really think about it...it's anything but easy. Not because the high road is innately more difficult, but I think it's certainly more difficult to define.
I guess that's life. The concept is simple, but the practice....anything but.

People watching

Have you ever just sat at a mall or a restaurant and watched people? No, not in a weird, creepy, stalker way. Just watched. Noticed how people act, react or interact with others? I think I'm a people watcher, because I have. I do.
I also think too much, this I know for sure. I analyze every situation far above and beyond what is necessary. I think about them, about me, about what I think of them, about what impression I'm leaving for them to think of me...Yeah, I officially think too much.
I wonder if other people think about well, stuff as much as I do. I can't be the only thinker, right? I know I'm not. It just seems that way when I'm sitting here, waiting for my lunch, watching people and thinking. Always thinking. And watching.
You know, you can learn a lot from watching and listening. I was unbelievably shy as a child. I pretty much didn't talk. If you didn't know me, you'd probably have thought I was mute. No joke...I didn't speak. But when I got teased about it, my mom told me to say, "I learn more from listening than from talking." I never forgot that. It's incredibly true.
Anyway, back to people watching. It's fascinating, really. If you're really paying attention you can see so much. People who look sad...what is going wrong in their life? People who act out...why are they angry? People who seem to be loving life...what makes them tick? What are they thinking about me? Or about the guy at the register? What is he thinking about it all?
There I go with the thinking thing again. It's interesting, though. Plus, thinking is seriously underrated in today's world. I like to take advantage of it when I can.
So, here's the thought for today - think about people. Don't just watch, think about them. Everyone has a story, and no matter how big or how small they think it is, it matters. It shapes them. So as I watch, I'll put my thinking to good use and think about how I can make their day a little brighter. Think about them. Not me. Them.

It finally happened

Yep. I'm a blogger. It happened. I've been fighting with myself about starting a blog for some time now.
"Just do it," I'd tell myself.
"You'll never actually keep up with it," the response would be.
(So I talk to myself...who doesn't? Just admit it...you know you do it too!)
Anyway, I'm here...we'll see how this goes. Now, the question is, will anyone actually read this? Does anyone actually care about my thoughts, curiosities, memories...ramblings? We shall see! Regardless, it might be kind of fun. At least I'll amuse myself when I'm procrastinating...like now. I should be playing the part of the good little student and actually studying for midterms. But alas, I'm yet again distracted by something more enjoyable. This time a blog, next time facebook...this world has a never ending supply of distractions! Honestly, how's a girl supposed to study? (shhh...I don't want to hear about discipline or diligence...let me at least feel justified in my procrastination for a little while!)
*sigh*
I'm starting to think this blog idea wasn't so great. Like I really needed another distraction. But I'm here. ...so, here goes nothing!